We had a Missouri Thanksgiving this year at my parents', and as I had anticipated my mom had some questions for us at the dinner table. A lot of times, and at Thanksgiving in particular, my mom likes to ask us questions, like "what are you thankful for?" or "how has God been good to you this year?" This year she said she had two questions. The first was the classic, "what is the first thing that pops into your head that you are thankful for?" We all went around and answered successfully with barely our second bites taken. The second question was preluded with the story of a faithful missionary who suffered much in the mission field, even being raped, and the Lord asked her to search her heart for what she was thankful for that she did not yet understand His purpose behind. My mom proposed this question to us. While each of my family took their turn, my mind was searching: the last year has been hard but I have no misunderstandings with the Lord about it; He has brought me to a place of contentment about it. What would my answer be? Nothing? I could think of nothing for a little bit. Then I remembered a time recently when I had thought "It doesn't seem fair, Lord." I couldn't place the exact event immediately, but then it came to me and my eyes welled up (as they are now), and I wondered how I would ever verbalize what I was thinking of.
After Peter, Jacob, and my parents each took their turn, it was my turn, and I attempted to get it out, but couldn't. As my mom said, "The women in this family (consisting of herself and me) do not have the ability to talk and cry at the same time. Some women can do it; we can't." Eventually I mustered enough calmness to verbalize what had caused me to question the Lord about "fair": Grandaddy and Grama.
Quickly the family was silent, and all of my floodgates were open.
For those of you unaware, Peter's grandparents were in an awful car accident about two months ago. Grama went to be with Jesus, while Gradaddy's life has been given a little more time on this earth. I am thankful that Grama is with Jesus, I would never wish that away from her. And, I am thankful that Grandaddy is still here with us; he is such an honorable, sweet man. It is just so difficult to reconcile the two apart. I know the Lord is in control of all things. That truth will never change in my mind, but I am still yet to understand the purpose behind parting two people who had lived so well, worked so hard, and loved so beautifully. I am thankful that the Lord loves me even though I can't understand.
There will probably always be something in life that just doesn't quite sit right, but the point is that there is also always something to be thankful for. It's what Thanksgiving is all about.
Practicing thankfulness is practicing what we believe about God: The HE is the giver of all. My grandfather used to end his prayers saying, "all that we have and all that we are comes from You." With each meal there was that reminder of who we are and more importantly, who God is. When we have a right attitude about the Lord, we'll get even closer to a right attitude about our circumstances.
